Two men were standing outside a restaurant. One was a feminist – I mean as feminist a man can be I guess. The other was a misogynist. This is the stage.

“Fatima was in a bad mood day. What the fuck was her problem?”, said the misogynist.
“Yeah, Frankie said it was the time for her”, said the feminist. “Makes sense why she was like that”
“Fuck you mean. It was the time for her”
“You don’t understand”
“No”
“I am not going to explain something so crass to you man. Either you get it, or you don’t.”
“Why not?”
“I am a god-fearing woman loving man”
“What’s with this worship of yours of women?”
“Don’t you feel it? Women have been trampled upon by men since forever. Women are loving, gentle creatures. They can do anything they want. They need our support for that.”
“I don’t think women need anybody’s support. Men have been the dominant gender. And it makes sense too. We won the battle a long time back and we haven’t given away the power. We are hardwired to fulfil the wishes of the elders who fought to regain their dominance from those ferocious and tyrant women”
“What the fuck are you talking about? Women have always been subjugated by men.”
“I know but with good reason. If men are not dominant, women will feed us to the wolves. Women can be extremely smart, they are multitaskers, can control emotions at the weirdest of times. And they are different from one another, so pattern recognition analysis can go fuck itself. They have to be contained.”
“Do you really think if men did not subjugate women, they actually have the capability of fucking up men. Come on, women won’t be able to do it. And, therefore it is our responsibility as men to take care of them, be nice to them, wine and dine them and support them in their careers and what not. Tell them they can do anything they want”
“Keeping deluding yourself”

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“I tell you It’s sunny as fuck today and it has given me ideas” said Ramon as Gary sat down on the other chair.
Kashmira’s was a place both friends liked frequenting in the morning.
“I totally fucked that girl”, said Ramon pointing to a girl outside the cafe. “Don’t remember her name though”, continued Ramon.
“You sure she is 18 man, she could be younger”, said Gary gingerly looking again.
Ramon shrugged. “Glorious tits though”.
The waitress comes over and serves their coffee. “This is not what I fucking asked for”, said Ramon staring indignantly at the waitress. “Hurry along now” as the waitress muttered apologies.
Ramon had suddenly discovered his sexual prowess as he entered his mid 20s but something else had also happened.
“How are you able to go out with these women man. We were so alike”
“Brother, its all about being the man, the alpha and carrying yourself like that. I am ugly as fuck you know that. Its about riding the wave and then you know riding with some hair pulling. Wink Wink. You hold all these cunts you like on a pedestal. That’s your problem.”
“Talking about riding, man my car has still not being fixed. The motherfucker has delayed it twice now. Imagine getting your car fucked up by graffiti while you are banging a posh number in her posh neighborhood. What the fuck has the world come to.”
“Man, you live the life. What the fuck do you care about the car. Talking about cars, did you get your gas card from the company yet”
“Nah, man. That shit is on hold. There was a server issue when I went in and 10 minutes after I exit, it starts and now I am at the end of the list. But fuck it, its Sunday and I am leaving here with this tall sexpot. I can’t wait to see that model twat”
“Ah there she is”, said Ramon looking out the window towards an ultra-attractive woman.
“Well, I will leave now brother. Same time tomorrow”.
As he got up and took the first step, Ramon fell face first on the floor, slipping on a banana peel that a child on the closest table had thrown.
“Are you all right hun, you seem to be in pain”, said the tall woman bending down to pick up her date. She glanced towards and looked away from Gary at the same miraculous instant.
“Well, what’s a man who can’t handle life’s shit”, said Ramon grinning.
Gary looked at them as both exited Kashmira’s. Ramon always had had bad luck this past three years, but his luck with and attitude towards women had both changed.” This is when his luck meter gets loaded to a full till he gets spat on by a gangster kid or something again”, Gary muttered to himself.

The man was lying on the ground exhausted. Never had he felt so fearful and oddly relieved in life before. As he lifted his dirt covered face, he saw a figure- something shiny, something he knew could not be conceived in the next 1000 years by homo sapiens, for it was what really counted in the world, the thing which started this whole shebang.
He gathered courage and yelled out to the thing, “Oh Why, did it have to be like this?”. Pitch silence.
“Oh, Why did you make me desire?”, he said more ferociously. Pitch Silence.
“Oh, Why are my mind and body different?”, he said pleadingly. Pitch Silence.
“Oh, Why please Why”? this time more resigned than ever.
“Oh, Why?”, “Oh, Why……?”

“Good Morning Sheriff”, said the lieutenant. “How are you doing?”
“Ah, let’s get started. What do we have here?”
“A body washed up along the river today.”
“What does it look like?”
“Hard to tell right now. Probably would need an investigation. Get started with the paperwork”.
“Could be one of the fuckers, just fell from the cliff. Had an accident. Happens all the time.”
“That could be the narrative as well Sheriff.”
“Well, I think they need to have fencing around the cliff, and we call it a day. My daughter is coming home with the baby. Let’s walk. I will drop you off.”
“Thanks, Sherriff”, said the lieutenant, signalling to his people to wrap up. “Must be happy, to meet your grandkid.”
“I tell you, my blood running through its veins – It’s the only thing it has going for it. I still don’t know why she married that dry motherfucker.”

Musings part 1

She be gouging motherfucker’s eyes
While she stands pretty and nice
She don’t give a shit, she be playing and rolling the dice
Walking up the block with veins full of ice
But one day, she was seen all feline like but eating mice
Standing on the corner working Vice

For things to change, everybody has to be on the same page

The man bestowed with leadership skills, needs to lead a very interesting life for change to occur

Background score: Sugar sung by the great woman Wynter Gordon who collaborated with a guy named……. Flo Rida

Ask a man about…

Aside

Ask a man about his life situation, and he will tell you about the things he wants to do, the things he wants. You smile and refrain from telling him that he would be unhappy because he would get those very things that he desires. A year later you see the man at Nathan’s Taco’s and you go up to him and ask him “So, Senegal did you get what you want?” The man looks up in the sky and sees the clouds taking over the warm sun.

His face becomes blank on witnessing this, for this was the signal. The secret was finally out. The man fixes his gaze on Mary and says, “The art of bulshitting is one of the greatest possession of the Gods and a very few get to be born with a flair for it. You can’t cultivate it, can’t learn it. You could never admit the existence of such a thing. The order forbade it, and today the order has fallen. Now, I think you are smart enough to know what I want to tell you about my desires.”

“You are a smart ass aren’t you, you weirdo fuck?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” 

Being Cyrus- probably the best movie you haven’t seen

Released in 2006, Being Cyrus can be called one of the finest experiment in Indian cinema, if not a great film. Being Cyrus is an intense and complicated psychological drama which user dark humour as an effective tool to take the story forward. The dialogue is in English and is peppered with the occasional Parsi slang and mild profanity.

The film begins in the sleepy town of Panchgini, when the mysterious and charming Cyrus Mistry, as played by Saif Ali Khan arrives at the Sethna residence, looking to land an apprenticeship with the eccentric pot head played by Naseeruddin Shah, much to the dismay of his wife Katy (Dimple Kapadia). Gradually, Cyrus develops a special relationship with Katy and comes to learn of the many dysfunctions in the family. The action shifts to Mumbai when Katy sends Cyrus to undertake a devious mission, one that potentially involves murder.

Soon, enough we are introduced to the other Sethna couple, Dinshaw’s brother Farrokh (Boman Irani) and his hapless and very young wife (Simone Singh). We also meet Dinshaw and Farrokh’s poorly treated father (Honey Chayya) and the cop played by Manoj Pahwa.

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The excellent writing of the film is further elevated by its impressive cast. The dialogues despite being in English, never seem unnatural mainly due to the proficiency of its cast and in part due to its Parsi nobility setting. Naseeruddin Shah and Dimple Kapadia are terriffic in their respective roles. Kapadia brings a certain kind of manic energy through her body language and dialogue delivery, and makes the role her own. Boman Irani is first rate as the self serving and abusive Farrokh. Watch him when he gets verbal diarrhoea or when he cowers in fear, this is an actor who is tailor made for this role. Manoj Pahwa is an absolute delight in the role of a ruthless and corrupt cop who for some reason chooses to express himself in broken English.

However, it is Saif Ali Khan who steals the show with his wonderful portrayal of a very complex character. He perfectly nails all the nuances and aspects of his character- vulnerability, murderous rage and uber cool suaveness. This and his pitch perfect narration make this one of his finest performances till date.

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First time director Homi Adajani has done a terriffic job. He handles the story’s dark humour with élan especially in the violent portions of the film. Flashbacks and dream sequences are used as effective tools for character development and for ultimately justifying the ending.

At mere a running time of 90 minutes,the taut and slick Being Cyrus deserves a dekko from the audiences. It is a film that stays with you for a long time.